An Open Letter: To the next man who steals my heart
Relationships.
They come and go more than the tide settles on the beach before returning back out to shore. Some people are lucky; they meet their significant other in school as ‘high school sweethearts’ and are bonded for the rest of their lives.
Others are just that: high school sweethearts. They experience a teenage romance which breaks down and ends.
It’s true what they say: “you never get over your first love”. A part of your heart will always be reserved for them. No matter how many times you say “I’m over it”. No matter how much you’ve healed mentally and forgotten all about the heartbreak. Subconsciously, they’re there. Whether you like it or not.
Relationship highs and lows change you in ways you didn’t think possible. You either become a person who has changed for the better and appreciates life at every step of the way, or you change for the worse (although this is never 100% the case).
You start thinking more about people’s intentions; you start reading into their actions. You start thinking:
“Does this person genuinely want me for me? Or are they looking for something to pass the time until something better comes along?”
Unfortunately, it’s also possible for people to experience the highs and lows in both ways. They become more confident and self assured, but their mind lets them down and their subconscious becomes poisoned with doubts.
So how does this affect me exactly? Well…
1. I’ll not fully trust you for a while.
I’ve dealt with my fair share of lies, heartbreak and betrayal. Whether it be old friends or ex-boyfriends, what they say and what they mean are sometimes totally different things. To cope with this, I automatically assume you’re lying to me or you’re using me for something until you prove to me otherwise. It saves further betrayal down the line.
2. I’ll believe you’re always looking for someone better.
You hear the same from both genders quite often.
“He/she is smarter than me, prettier/hotter than me, funnier than me, better for you than I could be”
Maybe in time I’ll accept that I’m who you want in your life. Until then, I’ll always think I’m a pit stop in your search for the best.
3. I’ll think twice about everything you say or do.
It’s called reading between the lines. Everybody does it. Something even something so simple as putting your phone down when I walk in the room. It could mean you just want to be with me without distractions, or it could mean something is being hidden from me. Maybe it’ll turn out I was wrong, but actions will always speak louder than words.
4. I’ll fake high self esteem and confidence.
Being one of the “outcasts” in school (others may object to this, but you can’t tell me how I’m supposed to feel), I always looked at the large, popular groups of friends and wondered what’s so bad about me that I can’t have that? I mean yeah, sometimes refusing to speak to people, looking a bit cheesed off or just generally being shy and quiet didn’t help. But that aside.
To make up for my feelings of not being good enough, I’ll pretend that I’m more confident than I actually am. I’ll act more outgoing and friendly than I might have liked to be at that time. Fake it ’til you make it right? We all hide our true selves around certain people after all.
5. I’ll close myself off from time to time.
Sometimes my mind could just go into overdrive and I’ll start overthinking impossible scenarios and events, imagining situations I could be in where I f*** something up or embarass myself publicly. I promise I don’t cut contact on purpose, but I need my alone time to sort out my thoughts and normalise my brain again.
If you’re happy and you know it overthink,
If you’re happy and you know it overthink,
If you’re happy and you know it then your brain will surely blow it,
If you’re happy and you know it overthink.
Sounds pretty grim right?
But of course, you can’t possibly expect to always experience the worst. I’ll also give you the best of me to make up for any troubles.
6. I’ll always be excited to be in your company.
Maybe it’s just my childish nature. But like a child getting excited about a new toy, I’ll always get excited even at the thought of being in your company. I’ll think about it non stop and I’ll think about you afterwards until the time we meet again. Even something as simple as sitting for hours binge watching something on Netflix or YouTube, trust me, I’ll be happier than a pig in s***.
7. You’ll be the first to hear of any exciting experiences.
I got a new tattoo (You’ll hear that one more than enough times)? I got a new job? A new pair of trainers? A new coat? One of my siblings did something that made my day (I’m thinking back to around 2014 with a video of one of the boys in a bike helmet and swimming goggles)? However small it is, I’ll be straight there telling you how excited I got about something and how happy it made me. I hope you’re prepared to be basically babysitting, because that’s how it ends up feeling occassionally.
8. I’ll aim to always make you smile and laugh at every opportunity.
If you’ve had a bad day, or you’ve heard some sad news, or even if you just look bored or cheesed off at something, you can guarantee I’ll be doing whatever I can to put a smile on your face again. Even if I have to make a complete a*** of myself. I don’t care. Seeing you laughing again is more than enough to make up for my embarassment.
And finally…
9. I‘LL LOVE YOU WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING.
Once you’ve got my heart, you’ve got it permanently. When I’m with you, there’ll never be anyone else I’d rather be making memories with. My number one goal is to grow with you, learn new experiences and make a life to be proud of. Through thick and thin, I’ll be there.
So to the next man who steals my heart,
I hope you’re prepared for a life of immaturity, breaking me out of my shell, and pulling me up further out of my head than I thought possible. I hope you’re prepared for laughs, tears, adventures and memories. In a nutshell, I hope you’re prepared for me.
